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dancing on the water
  Hey friends!

Just wanted to tell you about luv_is_beauty ,a new support community for those with/who have recovered from eating disorders! The more friends and support the better, right?! Since luv_is_beauty is so brand spankin' new, its focus is extremely flexible and open to input! Help shape a support community that fits your unique needs!! So come, check out luv_is_beauty and connect with more people who understand you!:)

See you there!

PS. I have nothing but respect for 6bella and do not judge anyone based on their opinions on eating or weight-loss. If you read luv_is_beauty's profile and find that it is not for you, I completely understand. I am not here to offend, or push ideas on anyone; I am simply suggesting you check out a new community to add to your supports on lj!

xoxoxox
16th-Nov-2008 05:52 am - New.
 Hi everyone!
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Niki
20th-Jul-2008 02:23 am(no subject)
i wanna get past my ED on my own without help. no one in my family knows about it and i have had it for about 4 years now...anyway i am 14 and do u think i can get over my anorexia on my own if i really really want it..like more than anything in the world?? i seriously do WANT it badly i want the old me back =) so do u think this is possible?
1st-Jun-2008 03:36 pm - Just wanted to introduce myself
I'm new to LJ and I'm currently recovering from anorexia. I'd love to chat with other people from here, for support =) please send me a message <3

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: anorexia, have had a few mia episodes
* How long have you had it?: about two years
* Have you received any treatment for it?: Not really, but I have been on meds for depression, if that counts.
* Have you been in recovery?: I have been trying to.
* Do other people know?: no, but I have had a few people ask me if I do.
* What do you want out of recovery?: to feel more confident and secure about my body.
* What holds you back from recovery?: I'm afraid that I won't be able to do it.

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: depression, social anxiety
* Any medications? no
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: no
* Are you currently in therapy?: no, I hate therapy...

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: yes
* What kind of music do you like? mostly metal, or instrumental stuff.
* What's a hobby you have?: creative writing
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Japan, the technology mecca! =P
* Your favorite qoute: "Procrastinate now! Don't put it off!"
28th-May-2008 07:11 pm - Recovered Bulimics/Addicts
lotus
My thought might upset some people, but I just want to get something off my chest:

I desperately want to meet a recovered bulimic who isn't fat, who doesn't still compulsively overeat, and who hasn't just switched addictions (i.e. now they just drink instead of eating or now they are anorexic & don't eat at all).

That's probably a horrible thing to say, but from where I stand, it's true. It's just so frustrating & upsetting to try to recover when it seems like there is no hope of being recovered without being humongous.

It's probably just my eating disorder talking & maybe part of being recovered is being able to accept being overweight, but it seems to me that the few people that I have seen who are in recovery just aren't fully recovered. They just stopped purging and now they either eat or get drunk.

Is there no hope? Is there no one to look up to? No real life role models who can say, "I did it & so can you!"

If they are out there, maybe they just leave the recovery circles and never look back. I can't say I blame them.

Thanks for listening.
28th-May-2008 07:37 pm(no subject)
As a fellow mod (of bleed_me_skinny) and avid lj’er for over 4 years I’m letting you know that visualgirly was in my community and when she started to post spam like on her journal. I mean like 10/15 posts a day about it and this is a direct quote from her info “I am a Prothinspoer... I am in love with visualization and thinspiration to keep myself skinny forever... Prothinspo.com is my guide to my lifestyle. I am a person who is always on the hunt for new celebrity gossip and diet tips.” Need more proof that she is a troll? Her lj is far less then a year old; she has over 1,000 friends and is spamming around 650 communities.

I have allot of friends on lj and everyone I know in many communities are very sick of her. I noticed that she was in your community and would just like to let you know the kind of person she is. She makes personal attacks to people if they post pics, and all she does is plug that stupid site that tells one how to get an eating disorder.

I am sick of seeing her everywhere I go and so are many of my friends.

Just make sure if you delete her posts you mark them as spam!

Just a warning, tell your friends…if it were up to me and many people I know she would be shut down like all the other trolls.

♠ Kelly

If anyone would like to join my community feel free….its a troll free zone. But if you join…post loads please :)
18th-May-2008 02:16 pm(no subject)

I was only 16 years old and I was in my first year of Senior High track and Field. I was around 5'11 160 pounds, I was healthy and a very good runner. I decided I wanted to improve my mile times and I wanted to lose some weight. I decided to cut my calories down 4 hundred a day and tripled my workouts. Within about a month I would lost my goal of twenty pounds. But l wasn't happy with it l wanted to lose more and decided to stay on my diet a little longer l cut my calories down to 300 cals. I was working out constantly and l obsessed about weight and food. I lost 30 pounds in less than two months. I had it stuck in my head the more weight I lost the healthier I'd be. I just kept cutting it down more and more eventually, I was down to 50 calories a day. My friends were not behind me at all because well l was healthy from the start. I eventually lost most of them because I only wanted to be alone with my obsession. I could tell my coaches, friends and my dad who was the only family I had were worried about me. My dad on a daily basis would say "What's Wrong?", "Are You Okay?", and "You look Dead" were repeated everyday like a broken record. He was completely oblivious to what I was going to myself. I thought he was just trying to tell me I was thin, but in my head, I was screaming What you are talking about. I'm fat I'm worthless. The Thinner I got the more it seemed in the mirror I saw someone who was overweight, gross. I got down to 6 ft 120 pounds. My sole purpose in losing the weight was too become faster running but ironically my mile times were over a minute slower. My lowest point (Ironically also my lowest weight) was at one of my track meets. I was getting ready for the mile. For some reason that day my breathing seemed amazingly heavy compared to normal and my heart was beating so hard it felt like there was someone trying to beat out of my chest my heartbeats actually was painful. I walked over to the starting line my friend Dustin told me I was extremely pale I looked sick but I just blew him off. When the gun was fired to start the race, I collapsed to the ground my heart stopped beating, Congestive Heart Failure. I almost died that day. The E.R docs told my dad what had happened and what had caused it. I decided to come clean to my dad about everything, and he just told me he wasn't surprised. He checked me into a rehab center where I stayed for 7 months. That incident was two years ago. Everyday I still think about that and being in the hospital and seeing my dad worried about me like that. I wish I never did that to myself. I'm a senior in high school and I do still run track. However, I'm smart about my choices now. I'm 18 now I’m 6 ft 190 pounds I'm healthy and happy.

16th-Apr-2008 08:24 am - Self Injury Survey
Water
Under the link is a survey I have made about self injury in order for research purposes. Moderators, if this is unallowed, please feel free to delete this post. Surveyors, some topics in the survey may be triggering and uncomfortable, please read the disclaimer before you continue. Thank you for your time.

Disclaimer: this survey is on a strict volunteer basis where anonamosity is respected. There are topics in this survey that people may find triggering or uncomfortable, if you wish to continue this survey please feel free to skip any answers you do not wish to answer. Above all, I ask that you answer honestly in the hope that these results can help others.

1. Gender
Female
Male
Transgender

 
2. Sexual Orientation
Heterosexual
Gay/Lesbian
Bisexual
Asexual
 
3. Current Age
 
4. Age when you started self injurying
 
5. How do you self injure?
1. cutting
2. burning/abrasions
3. punching/hitting self
4. pulling out hair
5. scratching/picking/tearing skin
6. carving
7. branding
8. biting
9. overdosing on pills/poison/drugs
10. deliberately breaking bones
11. drug abuse
12. alcohol abuse
13. eating disorder
11. Other:
 
6. Where on your body do you self injure?
 
7. Have you ever attempted suicide?
 
8. Do you suffer from any of the following mental illnesses (only if diagnosed by a professional)
Anorexia/Bulimia
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder/Panic Attacks
Dissociative Identity Disorder ( a.k.a. Multiple Personality)
Alcohol/Drug Addiction
Other:
 
Have you ever been sexually abused or raped?
 

Please email all completed surveys to selfinjuryhelp@gmail.com
17th-Sep-2007 06:56 pm(no subject)
BASICS
* Name: prefer not to say
* Age: 17
* Location: AUS

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: Anorexic, Bulimic tendancies
* How long have you had it?: Diagnosed 2 years ago but i assume i had it for longer
* Have you received any treatment for it?: IP treatment, OP treatment, meds, therapy
* Have you been in recovery?: no
* Do other people know?: yeh pretty much everyone (teachers, friends, family, classmates)
* What do you want out of recovery?: A clear head
* What holds you back from recovery?: The "what- ifs" of life

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: bi-polar, anxiety, obsessive compulsive behaviours.
* Any medications? Prozac and Epilum
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: drinking, drugs, cutting, burning
* Are you currently in therapy?: yes

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: yes
* What kind of music do you like? almost all types
* What's a hobby you have?: writing poetry, reading, listening to music
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Living in a beach shack in Byron Bay
* Your favorite qoute: "the more you stare at the same exact thing, the better and emptier u feel"
8th-Apr-2007 11:59 pm(no subject)
BASICS
* Name: Joy Marie
* Age: 18
* Location: NY
EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: Bulemic
* How long have you had it?: 3years
* Have you received any treatment for it?: meds
* Have you been in recovery?: yea
* Do other people know?: yes
* What do you want out of recovery?: The abilty to function
* What holds you back from recovery?: Perfection

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: anxiety depression
* Any medications? Lexapro
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: drugs, cutting burning
* Are you currently in therapy?: yes

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: yes
* What kind of music do you like? everything
* What's a hobby you have?: dancing, reading writing expanding my knowledge
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Spain
* Your favorite qoute: Livin the bum life, "Call no man happy until he is dead."
18th-Feb-2007 11:41 pm - I'm New Here...

Aloha, everyone. I am new, obviously, and am excited that I have found a community like this. My decision to join is a part of my new dedication to recovery. I hope I can give and find support here :)

BASICS
* Name: Elizabeth
* Age: 21
* Location: North Carolina

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: I developed disordered eating in high school; it turned into anorerxia nervosa my sophomore year in college, brought on by the stress of being on a division 1A soccer team.
* How long have you had it?: Disordered eating: 6 years. Anorexia: 3 years.
* Have you received any treatment for it?: Yes, all outpatient: individual therapy, nutrition counseling, experientail therapy (yoga, massage).
* Have you been in recovery?: Yes.
* Do other people know?: My parents and my best friend.
* What do you want out of recovery?: Freedom from the negative thoughts that are robbing me of my life. To be happy with and truly, deeply love myself--inside and out.
* What holds you back from recovery?: Myself. My perfectionism, my stubborness, my ability of turning everything into a competition...

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: Diagnosed depression.
* Any medications?: Yes. Paxil for a while; now Prozac.
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: Cut before I started therapy.
* Are you currently in therapy?: Yes. Because of school, I can only go once a week--my therapist is over an hour from my school. During breaks from school I go much more, depending on how I am doing (ex: over Christmas I practically lived in her office--4 times a week...uggh).

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: Graduating from undergrad school in May; starting law school in August
* What kind of music do you like? Classic rock, oldies
* What's a hobby you have?: Reading, travel, tennis, horseback riding
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Anywhere that is warm and on the beach...and non-touristy
* Your favorite qoute: I have lots, but I'll pick 2: "The second star to the right shines in the night for you, to tell you that the dreams you plan really can come true" (Peter Pan); "There is, in the end, the letting go" (Wasted)

So, that's me. Glad to be here, and looking forward to getting to know everyone.

26th-Jan-2007 01:50 pm - what do you think about this?
A classy new eatery in Berlin features delectable dishes for diners obsessed with not eating, prepared by chefs who also find eating deeply disturbing

By Emma Cook
THE GUARDIAN, London
Saturday, Dec 04, 2004, Page 9



Katja Eichbaum's bird-like hand reaches instinctively for another Marlboro Light. Perched on a bar stool, her slight frame is engulfed in a smart navy business suit. She looks a great deal younger than her 32 years. She smiles nervously as guests arrive, while her husband, Ralf, working behind the bar, offers them red wine.

The restaurant is intimate and inviting. There are around 30 small wooden tables and chairs, a squashy red sofa to sink into and a sleek, modern bar decorated with lanterns that bear the restaurant's name in dusky-pink italics.

A waitress hovers with a tray of appetizers. Morsels of smoked salmon rest on tiny circles of tessellated cucumber. Petals have been carved into plum tomatoes to resemble roses. The attention to detail is impressive. Someone here is extremely serious about their food -- maybe a little too serious, I can't help thinking, as another dish of ornate delicacies sails past from the kitchen.

Welcome to Sehnsucht ("Longing"), in the leafy Tiergarten district of Berlin, aimed specifically at people with eating disorders and run by recovering anorexics. It is a paradoxical concept: a restaurant where the food is cooked by chefs who can't eat, for diners who are obsessed with, well, not eating. It certainly raises some awkward questions, the most practical being: how do they expect to succeed when the customers find the idea of eating so deeply troubling?

"That's the point," said Eichbaum, who was refused funding by her bank and eventually turned to her father for a loan.

"We're here to encourage girls to eat and make it attractive to them again. We want them to get a gradual feel for food, through lovely smells and tastes. It may take time, but it works," she said.

Nothing here is harsh or intrusive. Every aspect of a restaurant that could distress an anxious diner has been addressed. Even the lavatories are sensitively designed with inscriptions on each tile that read "love," "energy" or "courage."

The names of each dish skirt around every anorexic's obsession -- the calories. A rack of lamb is Heisshunge, meaning "ravenous hunger;" a cappuccino creme dessert is Seele -- "soul;" and lobster bisque is simply "Hallo." It does seem a little whimsical, although the hope is that the names will connect with the diners in an emotive way. "Ravenous hunger," for example, is a term loaded with emotional significance for anyone with an eating disorder. Usually an instinct the anorexic tries to suppress, hunger in this context is seen as something to be celebrated and encouraged.

"Yes," Eichbaum agreed, "it's nothing to do with hiding the ingredients or fooling girls into eating more. I have given these dishes names that mean something to me. Hopefully, it will draw them into conversation so I can talk to them about their problems."

One fish dish, she explains, is called "Sparrow" because it reminds her of when she was first admitted to hospital two years ago. She weighed just 45kg.

"People like me were called sparrows because we looked so vulnerable. In those first two weeks, you don't have any contact with the outside world. It is very difficult," she said.

Her approach to anorexia is strikingly candid; the most painful associations of her condition are intimately bound up with this restaurant.

"My favorite dishes will be there," she told me -- hard-boiled eggs in mustard sauce and dumplings. "Those dishes are very personal to me. They remind me of how ill I was. Once I started eating them, I really couldn't stop. I would binge."

Yet this personal approach is essential, it seems, to her recovery.

"Everyone has their own way of dealing with it, and this is mine. In a restaurant you have to face up to these issues every day. I also want to give back, to repay all the help I received when I was sick," she said.

Her chef, Claudia, 22 and still anorexic, hopes that this approach will help her. She only started her treatment in April. How can cooking be a pleasurable pastime for her? At best, it must be a challenging emotional hurdle.

"Ah, no, no. Not at all," she explains. "I have always enjoyed cooking. It's something I've always done. I just can't eat anything I cook."

Eichbaum nods her head.

"It's the same for me. The problem lies in eating it ourselves," she said.

This is a common experience among those with eating disorders, said Barbara Douglas, a psychologist and director of the North West Center for Eating Disorders in Stockport.

"You'll often find in families that the ones with anorexia are the ones who take over the kitchen. It's a truth about starvation -- you will develop an increased interest in food. And one way to deal with that is to give food to other people," she said.

"Also, if you're resisting food and other people are eating, it can make you feel better about yourself -- it's a positive reinforcement of your sense of being in control," she said.

Doesn't that imply that Eichbaum's project is fuelling rather than resolving their obsessions?

"At one level, there is that danger. It would really depend how the restaurant evolves. If it drew young people in and gave them the impression that anorexia is compatible with eating out and normal life, which it isn't, then it could be worrying. If, however, it encourages girls to go out to restaurants and cook for themselves, it could be positive," Douglas said.

Eichbaum looks a healthy size 10, although I can't help notice the telltale reliance on cigarettes, which she lights one after another, and mineral water, which she gulps while refreshing my glass with wine.

"It's a reflex that I still find difficult to fight," she said. "I find myself thinking: `If I can miss the next two meals, then I'll be able to fit into my size 10 trousers.'"

She describes herself as a recovering addict.

"It could have been alcohol or drugs, but it just happened to be food, which I think is the case for a lot of girls. It becomes an obsession that makes you oblivious. I would lose myself in thoughts about eating. I had no sense of time, it became so absorbing. I'd stare out of the window for hours and then I'd realize I had to pick up my daughter from school," she said.

Her anorexia started when she was 15, "around the time my parents got divorced."

"There wasn't any conscious point where I thought, `I'm going to stop eating.' I think it was a way of feeling I was in control and of not having to feel anything," she said.

At one point she was existing on half a yoghurt and maybe an apple each day. Yet she managed to lead a relatively normal family life. From a middle-class background, Eichbaum grew up in Tiergarten and worked as a waitress in local restaurants. Ten years ago, she met her husband and they have a six-year-old daughter, Gioia Maria.

Two years ago, Eichbaum's mother persuaded her to seek help. She agreed more for the sake of her daughter than herself.

"I had no love to give her because I couldn't feel anything. Then, when Gioia was four years old, she'd say, `Oh my God, don't I look fat?' That's when I realized I had to get better," Eichbaum said.

It was during therapy that Eichbaum came up with her idea, and Ralf, also in the restaurant business, is now involved.

Part of the plan is to set up an advice center -- at the moment a chaotic office attached to the restaurant -- which will open in February.

"The aim is to get girls to come here and eventually learn to cook for themselves," Eichbaum said. "We're going to set up a small kitchen area in the center. That's how my therapy helped me. I was taught to prepare my own food and then eat it."

But from a commercial point of view, some critics are unconvinced.

"I don't think Mr [Terence] Conran will be rushing out to open one," said Charles Campion, food critic and compiler of the Rough Guide to London Restaurants.

"Nothing will take off over here that's so incredibly specialist. It's already difficult enough taking a vegetarian out to dinner. And anyway, what does an anorexic's partner order -- a big plate of chips?" he said.

As for the menu names, Campion is dismissive.

"It's a gimmick to sell more dishes. In this case, it's a bit like renaming steak and kidney pie in the hope that a vegetarian will eat it. Will it work? I don't think so," he said.

Critics may scoff at the concept, but how many recent restaurant launchings have garnered quite so much publicity, even before they've opened? Last week, Eichbaum's story made the front page of a German tabloid, and Italian and French newspapers have been quick to catch on -- Tom Aikens and Marco Pierre White would be envious of such attention.

"I really think it will take off: there is such a need for this," Eichbaum said.

Recently, German news reported that star Olympic swimmer Franziska van Almsick battled with anorexia as a teenager; and according to a new survey, the number of those suffering from eating disorders in Germany has tripled over the past decade. It's a similar picture over in the UK.

Chef Claudia insists that cooking in Sehnsucht is already helping her recovery.

"I hadn't eaten a certain pork dish for five years. But people around me were eating it and I tried some and thought, this is quite good. I like it. I'm even learning to eat meat again," she said.
27th-Dec-2006 09:01 am - woo noobie
BASICS
* Name: erm, Jessica
* Age: 30
* Location: CA
EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: Compulsive overeater, and a strange eating disorder where I didnt "really" eat food, I'd spit it out
* How long have you had it?: Complusive overeating, for about 20 years. The second one, about 2 years
* Have you received any treatment for it?: sorta
* Have you been in recovery?: yes
* Do other people know?: hmm. no. well my mom
* What do you want out of recovery?: stop the mental obsession
* What holds you back from recovery?: pride

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: lot of anxiety, fear, self-loathing, etc
* Any medications?: nope.
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: being around toxic relationships...
* Are you currently in therapy?: sorta

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: no
* What kind of music do you like? a lot
* What's a hobby you have?: reading, writing, learning
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? livin the simple life like the amish :)
* Your favorite qoute: until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have
9th-Dec-2006 06:37 pm - newbie.
tree
BASICS
* Name: undisclosed.
* Age: 24
* Location: Pa
EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: i developed anorexia nervosa my sophomore year of college. i fought it on and off throughout college and it is finally in remission, i can gladly say!
* How long have you had it?: almost 4 years.
* Have you received any treatment for it?: outpatient treatment.
* Have you been in recovery?: yes
* Do other people know?: some people that i trust.
* What do you want out of recovery?: i gained strength, trust, and acceptance.
* What holds you back from recovery?: n/a

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: have been depressed before and struggle with normal anxiety
* Any medications?: nope.
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: being around toxic relationships...
* Are you currently in therapy?: no, but would like to be.

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: graduate school
* What kind of music do you like? reggae, dancehall, soca, hip hop, indie
* What's a hobby you have?:dancing, reading, writing
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? on an island in the caribbean...or australia.
* Your favorite qoute: "taken out of context i must seem so stramge"-ani difranco
3rd-Dec-2006 03:42 pm - Hey, I'm new too
Hey, I thought what laura did was ultra cool, so I shall copy her! I removed a few questions that didn't fit
BASICS
* Name: Marie
* Age: 19
* Location:Home

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: I never really had a disorder like ana, but I have problems with my weight, I have been the right weight many times, but I keep gaining weight and loosing it again and I wish I could be stable. I've never been underweight though, and at my highest weigts I was always in the healthy zone.
* How long have you had it?:......??!!
* Have you received any treatment for it?: nope, I wanna go to weight watchers, that would help me stay stable

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: I'm not sure? lol
* Any medications?: no
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: Just telling myself I suck at everything, but that usually only happens right before my period.. damn fucked up hormones
* Are you currently in therapy?:no

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: University in Microbiology
* What kind of music do you like?: Rock, Funk, Disco, Punk, Indie, Alternative, acoustic stuff...
* What's your favorite color? you need all of them to make a nice painting
* What's a hobby you have? Painting, drawing, writing, walking, running, swimming, computering, Going to clubs...
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? lots of places!
* Your favorite qoute: DNA is an artist ( me) I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Flesh and muscle anyone?Collapse )
25th-Nov-2006 10:25 pm(no subject)
Heya im new here *waves* and thought this was a good way in which to introduce myself = *

BASICS
* Name: Lau (well laura really but i prefer lau!)
* Age: 18
* Location: Bristol (uni!! yaay!)

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: It started when i was 12/13 and progressed into full blown ana
* How long have you had it?:6 years = (
* Have you received any treatment for it?: no but im going to go see a counsellor. My friends and bf have been amazing <3
* Have you been in recovery?: yepa
* Do other people know?: most people...my closest mates and family
* What do you want out of recovery?:to be me again
* What holds you back from recovery?: intense fear of gaining weight

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: nopes.......does ocd count?
* Any medications?: nopes
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: cutting myself
* Are you currently in therapy?:nopes

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: at uni which makes recovery harder
* What kind of music do you like?: rock/indie
* What's your favorite color?:pink!!!!
* What's a hobby you have?:socialising, badminton, dancing, msn...... = D
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? dont know
* Your favorite qoute: Its only when your in true darkness that you can see the stars

x
14th-Nov-2006 10:48 pm(no subject)
Water

Under the link is a survey I have made about SI in order for research purposes. Moderators, if this is unallowed, please feel free to delete this post. Surveyors, some topics in the survey may be triggering and uncomfortable, please read the disclaimer before you continue. Thank you for your time.

Disclaimer: this survey is on a strict volunteer basis where anonamosity is respected. There are topics in this survey that people may find triggering or uncomfortable, if you wish to continue this survey please feel free to skip any answers you do not wish to answer. Above all, I ask that you answer honestly in the hope that these results can help others. Those who fill out this survey are encouraged to elaborate on their answers to provide additional information.


Please email all completed surveys to dancinginthedarkness@hotmail.com
Feel free to email questions, comments and complaints
29th-Oct-2006 11:35 pm - New
hey everyone im new.
Im 15 and have had anorexia for about 2-3 years, this year i ended up in hospital which did me no good except fuel my obsession. I left hospital and have been on the maudsley program for about 3 months now, its going ok but im now finding differebnt ways to get around my parents without actually letting them down and making them dissapointed in me. Im currently 50kg and 171cm or roughly about 110 pounds and 5 ft 8 (around about that im not good at conversions lol).

Im not happy at my current weight and i really really want to lose more but there is a part of me that knows that the weight loss road is just going to end me back in hospital and more depressed than ever.

If anyone wants to chat you can add my msn, just ask ;)
I feel so alone in this place. I have no girl friends. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world but I have no one else in my life. And that is depressing. And right now I need someone. I'm really struggling. I just got out of the hospital. I'm 2 days abstinent, trying the recovery thing once again and it is damn hard. I'm very shy in public so it's hard to talk to girls at ABA and OA meetings. But i found a food sponsor. :) I'm just really lonely right now. I think I will start to use Windows live Messanger if anyone wants to add me!! ---> eaprovenzano

peace and love
Andrea Nicole
4th-Oct-2006 06:32 pm - newbie
Le Petit Prince
Hi, I'm Tomica and really glad to have found this community.  Starting when I was about twelve I stopped having enough self-esteem to eat.  I was the stereotype of that sad little ana girl with the hollow smile always saying, "No thanks, I just ate."  After high school I had to see an obgyn about a problem I was having that ended up being endometriosis, he told me that I was "grossly underweight and need to gain at least fifteen pounds."  I started college and was sucked into a group of friends who got together before their classes and ate breakfast then again in the middle of their day to have lunch.  I went from 104 to 117 in three years, I'm 5'4" by the way.  My doctor is satisfied with my weight gain and I am too.  I didn't realize before how I was hurting myself and how unhealthy what I was doing was.  I feel very fortunate that my e.d. was not because of what I thought about my body specifically but about my entire self-worth; I'm not sure I'd have had the strength to break the cycle without some sort of traumatic event like hospitalization.
I love my self and I love my body and it feels really good to know that there are others out there who have overcome.
25th-Sep-2006 07:53 am - I'm new
BASICS
* Name:Andrea Nicole
* Age: 23
* Location: Florida

EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: I started out at age 12 with ednos; full blown bulimic by 18, now full blown anorexic, 2 days out of the hospital
* How long have you had it?:12 years
* Have you received any treatment for it?:yes, hospitals and residential treatment centers
* Have you been in recovery?: yes
* Do other people know?: everyone
* What do you want out of recovery?:Full recovery, peace
* What holds you back from recovery?: fear of weight gain

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?:yes, borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress
* Any medications?:yes, Abilify, Topax, Wellbutrin
* Any other self-destructive habits (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?:oh yeah
* Are you currently in therapy?:nope, can't afford it

OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: trying to go back
* What kind of music do you like?: hip hop and REGGAE
* What's your favorite color?:pink and green
* What's a hobby you have?:dance, yoga, and my boyfriend
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Costa Rica
* Your favorite qoute: I always said I wanted to be somebody, I should have been more specific.
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